Follow Your Passion - and Three Other Pieces of Bad Advice

We’ve all gotten a bit of bad advice before. Maybe you dismissed it out of hand. Maybe you took it and ended up worse off than when you started.

When it comes to career advice, most of it dances dangerously on the dull knife’s edge of cliche—and yet, despite its inherent stupidity, continues to get way, way too much play. It’s like zombie advice; no matter how many times you shoot it down, it keeps getting up and ambling toward you.

I chose four of my least favorite bits of advice to filet for you—mainly so that you can stop worrying that it’s something you should be doing (it’s not). I don’t suspect that we can put an end to its dopey reign, but at the very least, we can remind ourselves why we don’t have to comply with it.

Bad advice #1: Follow your passion

What has always bothered me about the “follow your passion” advice is not only that it’s woefully unhelpful (which it is), but that so many people claim that that’s what you need to find meaning and purpose in life, and if you don’t have it? Your life is pointless.

I’m not saying that successful people don’t have passion, but that’s not the only thing they have. Watch an interview with someone who has achieved the impossible and been able to (insert dream here)...write a bestseller, launch a unicorn start-up, make a zillion dollars, and they’ll tell you that passion made them do it.

You know why everyone credits passion? Because it’s not a wrong answer—and it’s an easy one. It’s a democratic, trigger-free, un-cancelable response. No one can get mad or cry foul over your passion (vs. your money, your connections, your access to things that helped). It’s also the most exciting answer, and makes for the best story.

I'm not saying passion doesn't play a role because it does—but so do discipline, focus, work ethic, resources, connections, education…and luck.

My problem is that when you hear that finding your passion was all it took, you may end up feeling bad about yourself, worried that you’re doomed to roam aimlessly through life until you find your true passion, enough passion, or any passion period. Not true.

Try this instead: Find Your Flow.

I know of no better way to get clear on what matters than to spend some time on the page. Doesn’t matter if you failed English comp, or think you’re a bad writer. None of that matters.

The literal act of using writing to a prompt—without a goal, intention or plan—can unlock something in us that you can’t get at doing anything else—not thinking, not scrolling, not sleeping. This is why using unique, fun writing prompts are such a critical part of my approach to gaining clarity, insight, and fulfillment in my workshops and programs.

Try it right now! Don’t aim to write an essay or anything like that. Jot down any images, scenes, or moments that arise, as if it’s all being dictated to you.

Set a timer for 10 minutes and respond to the following:

Write about a time when you found your flow. When you were doing it, time fell away. The effort, be it physical or mental, felt purposeful and good. What was it? Where were you? What did it feel like?

Ready? Start writing.

…What was that like? What came up for you?

People often report they’re surprised at the vivid memories, the sensory details and even emotional energy that comes flying up out of their subconscious when they start writing. Either way, trust that that memory rose for a reason. Go back and reread it. What is it trying to tell or show you? What can you learn about yourself just from this moment?

Bad advice #2: Dream big!

Certainly sounds good. Because if I can imagine something huge, then I should, right? And you know what? I’m done playing small!

Except if we’re being honest, the pressure to dream big can have a performative aspect, wherein we think we need to claim bigger goals than we even want right now, just to feel like we’re Doing Big Things. After all, how big is big?

I’m all for your long-term visions and goals that allow for an expansive view of your life and potential. But bigger isn’t always better. And, “big” is not the same as meaningful or purposeful.

For instance, if you’re toying with the idea of reconnecting with writing again, adding “Write best-selling novel” to the to-do list right now is a lot of pressure, and will likely psych you out of writing anything at all.

You can also aim to start a business without feeling you will fail if you don’t disrupt an entire industry. How about making some money to pay for things you love? That’s a great start.

Try this instead: Zoom in.

The more granular your goal, the more likely you are to accomplish it. You do yourself no favors by assuming you “have” to aim for the biggest, flashiest goal in order to make your efforts worthwhile. And it may not even be what you want, at least, not right now.

Think instead about what it looks and feels like to do the thing you want to do, rather than trying to conjure some far off, hard-to-picture end goal (I mean, what does a media empire even look like? Am I sure I want that?).

Is it spending an hour a day writing? Is it blocking Friday mornings to make the calls necessary to get your business idea off the ground? Get clear on the what so you can stop dreaming and start doing.

Bad advice #3: Quit your job!

We’ve all had the Jerry Maguire fantasy of up and leaving a job in dramatic fashion. Makes for a great scene. But as Pam Beasley finds out when she tries it, and impulsively follows Michael Scott out on The Office, she finds that the rush of a dramatic exit fizzles a few short blocks from the building.

You may be in an untenable situation or your soul may be dying a slow death. Quitting is always an option. But if you depend on a regular income and have no other means of supporting yourself, you need a plan, not a single gutsy move that’s fun to talk about later.

Realize, too, that your job could quit you first. This means a plan is a good idea regardless of whether you intend to stay. What if things changed? What if the unthinkable happened? What do you risk by saying “Oh that could never happen!”? Too much, that’s what.

Try this instead: First, think beyond the job.

Creating a plan and assessing finances is not as sexy as storming out. Truth. But you know what fuels passion besides hopes and dreams? Money. And if you’re thinking of leaving, you’ll need more than you think.

When I got laid off, I wasn’t surprised. In fact, I had already been thinking either I was going to end the relationship or they were. And they beat me to the punch. But because I had a gut feeling about it, I’d already begun to talk to people and explore opportunities. You don’t end because your job does. But you don’t want to make any sudden moves, either.

The key to security? Multiple streams of income. You know this. What could you do or explore to earn money, whether it’s a side hustle, freelancing, consulting, or part-time work. Maybe it’s something you’ve been wanting to try your hand at—or a skill that’s tried and true and there if you need it.

How will you know it’s time to quit? When your other work is taking up so much time and earning enough to eclipse the full-time gig—so much so that you almost cannot afford to keep it because it’s getting in the way of rapid growth and opportunity. It may be the last step you take, not the first.

Bad advice #4: Get obsessed.

The person following their passion paints a picture in our minds: They’re completely subsumed, working tirelessly toward a single goal, up early or through the night. They were born to do this; their success is imminent.

How do I find that thing?

In fact, this kind of tunnel vision could do you more harm than good. First, because working in that way over long periods can lead to burnout. That’s one.

But also, new research suggests that believing you’re “meant” to do a thing, and only that thing, can be indicative of a fixed mindset—and even cause you to give up sooner.

A fixed mindset about passion, specifically, is based on the idea that yours is set in stone. A growth mindset, on the other hand, is based on the belief that “your basic qualities are things you cultivate through your efforts, your strategies, and help from others,” Carol Dweck writes in her famous book Mindset: Changing the Way You think to Fulfil Your True Potential.

In a paper published in Psychological Science in 2018, Paul O’Keefe, along with Dweck and Gregory Walton, explored what role the two mindsets play in exploring and developing interests.

The findings of the study suggest that those who believe their passions are dyed in the wool (“I’m meant to do this and only this!”) are more likely to give up when the going gets tough.

Why? Because they expect if it’s the “right” thing, they should be motivated and the work should be easy. When they come up against a challenge, they are more likely to think, “Oh I have the wrong passion,” and start all over again with a new thing.

Try this instead: Date around.

We can get so caught up in the idea of “marrying” our one and only true passion that we miss out on the best part: The discovery, wonder, curiosity, and the experience of falling in love with lots of things.

If you’re so obsessed with “finding” the one, perfect thing, however, you effectively cut yourself off from the experiences and even people that might reveal more about you and what you’re capable of.

Rather than resign yourself to ideas about yourself (“I can’t do this,” or “I’d never be able to do that”), take off the blinders and begin to see yourself as an evolving person in the midst of ongoing discovery, with lots of options to explore.

Lastly, be careful whom you ask for advice.

Your life is not a democratic act. Your choices are not determined by surveys or focus groups. And while there’s no substitute for really great advice, we can only feel the way we want to—empowered, autonomous, free—when we listen closely enough to ourselves, and take agency on our own behalf.

Will you ask for advice? Of course. So will I. Just be wary of asking everyone you know for their two cents, because that’s usually about what it’s worth.

Or, it’s the opposite: When there’s too much at stake for the person you’re asking, this may bias their response—even when they want the best for you.

A friend who works as a psychic medium once told me herself that people put too much stock even in people like her, who have a special and uncanny gift for seeing and knowing things. And she warns against it. Asking for advice, just like asking a psychic, should more often than not confirm a hunch, not displace it.