She Who Hesitates Is Lost (Lessons from The Bachelor)

questioning_man1Ah, shit. I wasn’t going to blog about The Bachelor. And while I hardly hold it up as the shining and global example of all romantic relationships, it’s a pressure cooker wherein all cliches rise to the surface quickly, so let’s pluck a few out and look at them.

This week’s lesson: Bitchy and guarded do you no favors. If you’re at the center of drama, red flag. And if you hold back for fear of being vulnerable, you’re cooked.

This week, Sean let two women go: a bitchy drama queen who couldn’t play well with others, which is so obvious there’s nothing to say about it. And Lesley, the political consultant from DC who was afraid to be a fool for love.

(If you missed it and need a catchup, here it is.)

During what turns out to be her final date, Lesley admits to “us” that she’s falling in love with Sean. But she also says that she’s always considered the ladies of previous seasons, who confess their love, to be fools. Sean takes her to a fruit orchard, and this is her chance–to make it clear to him how she feels. She considers, and holds back. Fear of being a fool wins. 

He on the other hand, in all his tow-headed glory, says that while he likes her, he feels nothing is moving forward. He isn’t getting much of a read from her. And after all day harvesting avocados, the date is fruitless. He says she seems tense. Because she is. And guess who’s left without a rose? Exactly.

If we are going to draw any conclusions about this–whether it’s what this guy wants, the director wants, or what Men In General want, this is it: That holding back your feelings, playing tough and guarded, will cost you.

Does this mean that you should be gushing to guys that you are falling in love with them? Not so fast. But to connect with a person and maintain his interest, you have to do more than look smashing in a pink sarong. You need to give that person something to go on, a reason to return. You have to let someone know how you feel, and not make him guess. And yes it comes with a risk you must take–to risk being a fool. Sorry. That’s the game.