3 Small Beliefs Stifling Your Success

We pick up ideas about who we are and what we’re capable of our entire lives. And what’s more, we often believe them. What if some of the big ones were completely untrue? Here are some key insights for catching yourself in those lies so you can actually pursue what you want.

When faced with something you want to do but are fearful of trying, it’s real easy to come up with reasons why you can’t. They’re on a mental playlist that plays incessantly: “I have no time,” “I have no energy,” “there’s too much going on,” “this is all I can do.”

But what if instead of accepting these ideas as foregone conclusions, we dismissed them as simply ill-informed opinions or choices we made? What if these ideas weren’t based in any kind of truth, but actually just gunk on our gears, slowing us down?

(If you are feeling overwhelmed, check out my article, How to Stop Feeling Overwhelmed by Work and Life)

It would be easy to handle if it was just ONE idea, of course, but it’s not. Small, seemingly harmless ideas can distort who we think we are and what we’re capable of.

How dangerous is a single strand of hair? Not at all. But if you let them, they will continue to fall into your tub and coagulate into a gag-inducing nightmare that backs up the drain. I am guilty of this.

Here’s a less-gross analogy:

The ideas that get in your way are akin to malware—software that’s downloaded without your consent, and which can do serious damage, from slowing you down to robbing you blind.

When you “download” malware from any number of questionable sources—even trusted sources!—it can make it harder for you to function optimally, see clearly, and take action. It can cause you to be frustrated, and blame yourself in the process.

The combinations of malware we get from our world are infinite and unique to you—but some common themes emerge.

3 Misguided Beliefs That Are Sucking You Dry

Any one of these may seem harmless enough, but allow them to collect and you’ll pay a price for them—in reduced time, energy, focus, and attention to do anything you really want to do.

1 | You have no time

You either tell yourself you have all the time in the world—or none at all. Both are half truth (and half lie).

You know this mental virus has burrowed into your brain if you catch yourself thinking anything like:

• I should be doing something else or something FOR someone else
• I need to earn more money first
• I just need to get organized first
• OMG how did it get so late?
• I’ll have more time later

Yeah…no. All we actually have is time, and that time is finite. To believe we have “more” time isn’t optimistic; to believe we have little isn’t pessimistic.

The more realistic we are about the time we have, the better we can use it. And not making a concrete decision about how to use our time is a decision in itself.

Oliver Burkeman, author of 4,000 Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, writes in his blog that “The core trouble in our modern relationship with time, I think – made worse by most productivity advice – is that we've come to see it as something we need to try to master or conquer.”

Bad news: It can’t be done.

“No finite human being has ever won a fight against time,” writes Burkeman. “We just get the limited time we get, and the limited control over it that we get.”

Embracing our finitude, not denying it, is a critical shift that allows us to do more with what we have.

Also: How often have you been quick to jump up and give your time away without a thought just because someone asks for it? Maybe pump the brakes on that. We have limited time, and the quality of our lives will depend on how we use it.

(For more about how to embrace your finitude, check out my article on how to spark your creative process by setting limits.)

2 | You’re too old

Are you alive? Got a pulse? Then you’re not too old. In fact, you probably feel the same inside as you did at 19, at 32—it’s still you, even if you continue to evolve and learn every year.

The issue isn’t actually how old we are.

I believe, and feel free to disagree, that we’re trying to cut judgment off at the pass. Because in fact what we’re even more afraid of is someone else saying we’re too old for something!

How do we end up buying into this BS, anyway?

• You compare yourself to someone who’s 10, 20 years younger than you and think that it’s all over for you
• You compare yourself to someone your own age and assume because you haven’t done what they have, there’s no point in trying
• You made up an age in your head by which you’d have everything figured out, and that age came and went
• You’re letting social media and skin care ads tell you what you’re supposed to look like and feel like and forget that all of it is fiction

I remember being a sophomore in college, at dance rehearsal, complaining about being stiff, and one world-weary senior said, “Wait, til you’re my age,” she said. She was 21.

When my peers started turning 30, oh, the belly aching about that! They thought they had to get their lives together now as if it was something you did and then were done with it. At 30!

A friend of mine recently turned 40, and started to crow about being old. I gave her side-eye (I’m ten years older than her). “You don’t get to be ‘old’,” I said. “Not while I’m around.”

If you want to seem old, a good way to do it is to talk about how old you are and how late it is to do anything. But again, why is that a fight you want to win?

3 | You don’t know enough

What are you missing? Information? You’re in luck! The internet is filled with it. Filled! There’s more information and programs and books and conversations going on than you’ll ever even know about.

There is no day where you know everything. Thank god! What a boring day that would be.

Being a know-it-all is overrated (and if you ask me, a red flag). The key to staying limber in your life? Being resourceful; i.e., knowing how to access information.

Here’s where you got the idea you don’t know enough:

• Someone asked you if you ever read xyz book and you hadn’t, and decided you have missed the boat on everything
• You didn’t end up doing what you majored in, or you think you should have majored in something different
• You worry you’re bad at “tech” (see above about age), and will remain in the 20th century as a result

The kind of tech we’re talking about emerged all of five minutes ago, and not only can it be learned; it’s designed to be learned and used. If it weren’t, NO ONE COULD MAKE MONEY OFF SELLING IT TO YOU, and trust me, they want to.

Also, literally no one cares what you majored in. Majored? You were 18. Most things you did when you were 18 don’t hold a ton of water right now, let’s be honest. Your major was the first time you were asked to choose or focus on anything, and that was good practice. And now, you’re an adult and no one will ever know or likely ask. The next time you’ll probably use it is if you ever play “Two Truths and a Lie,” and you know everyone will believe you met the president, but not that you majored in French poetry. You win!

(Think you need more confidence? Pshaw. Check out my article, The Confidence Myth: 5 Ways to Take Action When You Don’t Feel Confident.)

You don’t age out of education. You can learn, and continue to learn, well into “old” age.

A friend from college sent me a picture of herself in nurse scrubs. I hadn’t talked to her in years, so I thought she was wearing a costume. “I finished nursing school! I’m officially a nurse!” she said. She’s 50.

What Beliefs Are Holding You Back?

I’ve mentioned three common brain worms that many of us have unwittingly adopted that keep us from living the life we want:

1. Not enough time / I’m too busy
2. I’m too old / it’s too late
3. I don’t know enough / I’m not smart enough

I’ve told myself all kinds of lies and defended them to the death! Only because I thought it would be easier to do that than the thing I always wanted to do. Of course, I know that isn’t true, and life isn’t worth living if you’re not at least making a go of something that will make your life feel meaningful and rich.

So it’s worth thinking about which ones may be keeping you stuck.

Try this:

Take 5 minutes and think back over some things you wish you were doing, or projects you wish you had started, but have put off. Take out a pen and paper and answer these questions:

1. What beliefs have you held that are now holding you back?
2. What’s one thing you used to believe about yourself that you don’t anymore?
3. What might be possible if you could prove most, if not all of those other beliefs, as wrong? What if you stopped defending your limits and used that energy for something way more rewarding?

Do a deeper dive into what specific rules are holding YOU back. Check out my program, Breakthrough, a self-paced program design do to help you rewrite the rules for your work and your life.