How to Grow and Expand — Without Leaving Your Comfort Zone

If you believe you must be uncomfortable to grow, you also might believe you need to suffer to do good work or struggle to find love. Discomfort is a condition, not a goal. It's an experience, not a recipe. And if you aim for discomfort, one thing I promise you is that you'll get it. Keep reading to learn how to expand your comfort zone and grow through comfort, not through fear and pain.

When's the last time someone told you to get out of your comfort zone?

Who said it? Was it a podcaster, a Peloton instructor? Maybe you’ve seen it stitched on a pillow: “Life begins where your comfort zone ends.”

So what does it really mean? Growth requires discomfort, so if I aim for discomfort, I’ll grow?

Not so fast.

I get the appeal (it also sounds hard core). It's meant to make us feel capable of anything, no matter how it feels. And of course—we don’t want to let the fear of discomfort get in the way of growth.

But let’s be clear: I LIKE COMFORT. And if you say you don’t, you’re lying. (Ever know anyone to turn down an upgrade? Me neither.)

What’s more, I find telling people to get out of their comfort zone patronizing and misguided. Why?

1. It presumes that comfort is our default (it’s not), and that we’re just floating along easily all the time.
2. It encourages you to seek out things that don't feel good — or to tolerate those things longer than you should, if at all.

(I feel so strongly about this that I devoted an entire chapter of my book, Unfollow Your Passion, to this topic. You can read a free chapter here!)

From the moment we're born - wet, naked and screaming our heads off, we are shown the shocking truth: This is not going to be easy. There’s a world of things that will hinder you as you grow: fear, anxiety, crippling self-doubt.

But comfort? Not your biggest problem.

If you believe you must be uncomfortable to grow, you also might believe you need to suffer to do good work or struggle to find love. Discomfort is a condition, not a goal. It's an experience, not a recipe. And if you aim for discomfort, one thing I promise you is that you'll get it.

Sure that’s what you want?

The perks of staying in your comfort zone

It’s actually only when you feel good, safe, rested, and ready, i.e. comfortable, that you’re able to achieve more, and remain resilient.

I’m living proof: When I take a risk, you better believe it’s after a solid night’s sleep. In fact, I operate at my best from inside my comfort zone. And you can, too.

Research bears this out. One of the most famous management and leadership thinkers and authors of our time, Marcus Buckingham, backs me up in his 2019 Harvard Business Review cover story.

“Take us very far out of our comfort zones and our brains stop paying attention to anything other than surviving the experience. When you're uncomfortable, you're not thinking about a lot else. No, you're not at your most focused and flexible, creative or reflective. You can't learn as well when you're stressed and you can't do your best work or your best thinking when you feel squeezed.”

When you’re in your comfort zone, you are more likely to feel:

• Patient and flexible
• Focused and clear-headed
• Creative and insightful

Can you think of a better way to grow, explore, or achieve? Or would you prefer to do it hangry.

Going back to Buckingham’s article, he writes that what people need in order to grow is not so much attention to what isn’t working, but attention to what is. He writes,

“It's clear that we learn most in our comfort zones because that's where our neural pathways are most concentrated. It's where we're most open to possibility, most creative, insightful, and productive. That's where feedback must meet us in our moments of flow.”

What would it be like if you grew through comfort?

What if, rather than forcing yourself into a state of terror, or adhering to a plan through force of will, you took a totally different approach?

What if you took a creative, generative, and supportive approach that helped you experience what was possible?

Could you be more focused, more at peace, more creative, more productive? Probably.

Maybe you'd even feel more capable of advocating for yourself and going after what you actually want.

Newsflash: You don’t have to exit your comfort zone to feel strong, capable, and free.

You don’t have to leave it every time you want to do something new or cool or exciting. You simply need to…expand it.

Three Tips to Expand Your Comfort Zone

So how do you put all of this into action? Here are three ways you can use and expand comfort to support your growth:

1) Define your comfort zone

Get real clear on how you want to spend your time and energy. It doesn't mean you only get to do that, but you need to be able to have that priority set in your mind.

• What are your rules?
• When do you do your best work?
• How can you adjust your life to make it work for you?
• What do you want to learn and spend time doing, and what could you not care less about?

This isn't about being high maintenance, btw. The people who count on you to do things would like you at your best when you do it.

Lean into what you're good at. First, you’ve got to be honest with yourself about what those things are. I'm forever moving things up my list (the things that I’m good at and which will have the biggest impact), and demoting, or delegating, the rest.

PROMPT:

Think of a time when you felt totally in flow. What were you doing? What did it involve? Don’t analyze; just write out what you were doing and how it felt. Give yourself five minutes.

2) Skip the excuses

The only thing more uncomfortable than doing something you don't want to do is explaining to someone why you don't want to do it.

You do not owe the world an explanation or defense of a decision you’ve made, whether it pleases them or not. This is a tough one, because we want to give a good enough “reason” to be excused. What are we, in fourth grade here? No. We are grown ass adults and we don’t need our homework signed.

TRY IT:

What’s one event, plan, or outstanding invitation that you simply do not want to do? You don’t need to give a reason or come up with an excuse. No is enough. Make it a point to reply this week and let them know you won’t be able to join them, period the end.

3) Make your zone invite only

I cannot emphasize this enough: Your comfort zone needs to be tightly monitored and highly policed. You can't just let people walk in and out of there willy-nilly. You get to decide who comes in and how long they stay.

I do not solicit feedback from people who drive me nuts, and I'm careful when I ask for advice. I'm not taking surveys from everybody about what I should do.

(Are you always "fine"? Here's why it's better to make a fuss instead of always going along.)

ASK YOURSELF:

Who leaves you feeling more drained than uplifted? What relationship seems to benefit the other person, but cost you a lot more? You may like them, even love them, but for whatever reason right now, they’re introducing unnecessary friction and gumming up the works. How can you reduce the amount of contact you have with them, even just for a few hours, days, or weeks?

(P.S. You do not need to confront them and explain why they’re bad for you. You simply make choices that limit your exposure.)

What can you do next to expand your comfort zone?

The world is not a comfy place. And you’re going to have to deal with fear and friction and full-on hurt because we live on the planet. It’s not a matter of whether, but when. Resilience might be tested during tough times, but it’s built on strength and intention—and a sense of safety.

Being comfortable is not a cop-out—it’s a coping mechanism, and the greater access you give yourself, the more quickly you can recover.

PROMPT:

How can you shore up your comfort zone right now? What action(s) can you take to ensure it’s there when you need it? Most importantly, what would a greater degree of comfort allow you to do next?

…What’s worse than just feeling uncomfortable? Believing that that’s how you’re “supposed” to feel, as if it’s some unwritten rule. Nope! What if you could wipe out the old rules and feel freer to make the decisions that support you? What if you had a process that walked you through clearing out the old malware that keeps you stuck? You do now.

It’s called Breakthrough. In this self-paced, six-week program, I walk you through a process for doing exactly that — resetting your mental and emotional system by drawing on your stories and ideas in a creative, intuitive way. If you’ve read this far, I know you’ll like it. Learn more about Breakthrough here.