Three famous success quotes in need of an update

We love a good quote, don’t we? Especially when it sounds so wise, so true. And yet, a lot of those great quotes don’t hold up under scrutiny—especially when it comes to pursuing what we actually want to do. In this article, we’re going to peek around the edges of some of our old favorites, and see how they may be keeping you from your own ambitions.

Ready? Don’t overthink this. Which of the following do you believe to be true (check all that apply):

• I don’t have the self-confidence that highly successful people have
• If I don’t have enough natural talent, I probably won’t do it well enough to bother
• If I don’t feel confident, that may be a sign I’m heading in the wrong direction
• If I’m not totally motivated about this one passion, I’m living the wrong life

Have you caught yourself thinking these - or something like these?

Me. I have. (Raising my hand, waving it around.)

Yup, I totally believed these things. I’ve mistaken a lack of confidence for a reason not to try. I’ve assumed I didn’t have enough talent. And I’ve taken bad advice from people who love me.

We all have! That’s because the minute we start to doubt or assume things, our critic smells blood in the water and leaps in to take us down a notch, giving us reasons why we can’t do things—namely, because we’re not “confident,” not “talented,” and no one else thinks we can.

I’m not trying to trick you - there is some truth to all of these. But none of these are whole truths. They are half-truths. And that’s worse!

Dismissing these half-truths is easier said than done — after all, we’ve been conditioned to believe otherwise, and been raised on the words of The Great Thinkers of History (read: older white men from another time). But honestly? The ideas could use an overhaul.

So, here are three more ubiquitous—even famous—half-truths I suggest you rewrite if you want to free yourself to pursue that hidden dream, write that book you haven’t started, get that promotion you haven’t dared to ask for—or basically do anything great.

Three Half-truths That Don’t Work Anymore

Just because they’re in a book, framed on a wall, or stitched on a pillow does not mean they’re true, or really all that useful to you.

HALF-TRUTH #1: “Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” – George Addair

Fear is a fact, and we can’t and wouldn’t want to mute its critical function.

But.

Forcing yourself to do things outside your comfort zone that raise your stress levels is not a growth strategy. Is some stress good? Absolutely. But the idea that being in a triggered state, and seeking one out on the reg, is going to be your key to success? Stop it.

My friend Emily does not like being put on the spot on conference calls. Her colleague knew this, and would put her on the spot and tell her that was good for her. Was it, though? This did very little to solve that problem and a lot to make her uncomfortable.

Just ask my friend, Linda Ugelow, author of the book Delight in the Limelight. She's a speaker and confidence coach, and even she was terrified when she started live streaming a few years ago. People told her, just keep doing it and it'll get better. She did over 200 and was just as nervous every time.

Sometimes doing it over and over does not break the spell of discomfort. It wasn’t until she got to the root of her fear—being seen, period—could she change her relationship to the lens, and now, she’s right at home.

THE REWRITE: I don’t have to be fearless to take on a challenge, but I also don’t have to “do something every day that scares me” (gag).

ASK YOURSELF: How can I uncouple fear from progress? How can I address and assuage the fear so that I can feel at home in trying something that feels scary?

HALF-TRUTH #2: “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” – Ben Franklin

We think if we have a plan, then it'll make things easier. Not true. Planning has three built-in risks:

• Rigidity (I can predict and control the future)
• Procrastination (planning instead of doing)
• Overattachment to outcome (if it doesn’t happen this way it’ll be a disaster)

Take me for example: I wanted to write a book for over a decade (try my whole life), and every time I tried to ‘plan’ it, I gave up. It felt too hard. I felt like I should know where I was going with it. But I didn’t.

Planning to write a book is not the same as writing one.

In my experience, the people who claim to love planning don’t want to do it — they simply want their original plan to work.

Plans are simply an idea, a projection, of what you’d like to have happen. That’s the easy part. What’s hard is letting go of the outcome, and realizing most things are out of your control.

THE REWRITE: My plan represents an intention, and a best-case scenario. Regardless of how great my plan is, there’s a good chance it could play out differently, and even better, than planned.

ASK YOURSELF: What plans are you making right now? How can you work in some wiggle room for all the what-ifs? How can you love the plan—and also let go of the outcome?

HALF-TRUTH #3: "Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary.” – Winston Churchill

Don’t even get me started with this.

First, let’s agree that we are wired to find fault. With, like, everything. This negativity bias has allowed us to evolve, and survive, period. We need to be able to spot risks, liabilities. It can pay to harbor doubts—and heed them.

It’s not a big leap to go from spotting risks in the environment to finding flaws with other people. Criticism is an outgrowth of this negativity bias — cemented by cultural conditioning that taught us that to be worth anything, we have to be right, correct, acceptable—in a word, flawless.

To that end, we can and often do assume we’re “helping” each other out by offering criticism, by telling people what they should fix. While we know mean-spirited criticism when we see it, some of the most biting criticism can be born on the best of intentions.

What’s worse, we ask for it, and think we need it! You might assume that if someone could tell you what you’re doing wrong, you could expedite your success. You’d be surprised at how unhelpful this is, in fact.

Of course we need feedback — and there’s a time and a place (and a way) to share feedback that’s helpful. But most of the time, we go in to fix far too early.

The critic seeds doubt, spews half-truths, and feeds us flat-out lies about who we are and what we can do. And it’s of zero help when you’re trying to get something going.

You know how I know? Because the people who seek out criticism, thinking it will make them better, are often the same ones who end up stuck, wondering why they’re not “motivated.”

That’s why in the workshops I run, there is no criticism allowed. Period. We have no space for it, no seat at the table. And the results of the work we do in that space continually blow my mind.

THE REWRITE: There’s a difference between feedback and criticism, and when I’m in the process of exploring, growing, or trying something new, criticism will only slow me down and make me doubt myself.

ASK YOURSELF: When was the last time you felt criticized? Who said what, and how did it affect you or your work? What if you delayed feedback and trusted yourself before you invited other people’s opinions? And who are you asking for feedback, and why? Can you limit your sources of criticism so it’s not open season on your work, every time?

When you take the time to shine an unblinking beam onto these half-truths, they scatter like roaches. And it’s high time to turn the lights on in here, because beating ourselves up in the dark is no fun.

Imagine what YOU could do if you weren’t held hostage by these half-truths. A lot more than you think.