You Don’t Need Passion to Find Purpose

We’ve all felt clueless, rudderless, lost. And what makes it worse is that we feel like we should know what to do next, but don’t. Here are a few ways to shake yourself out of the spell and feel purposeful again.

Adult life can be tough. Sometimes it may seem like everyone around you knows exactly where they are going and what to do next. Maybe that’s the complete opposite of how you feel right now.

Acclimating to adult life after school is just one occasion where you might feel like you’re lacking direction. It was for me.

The year after college was one of the hardest years of my life.

I had no idea what to do, how to do, why to do—anything, really. A family friend let me sublet her studio apartment in Allston, MA. I had a parking spot, but no kitchen table. A diploma, but no job.

Temping gave me some semblance of normal life, but what it offered in variety it lacked in substance. I didn’t know anyone, and no one knew me. For months on end, I felt as though I was living inside a sensory deprivation tank. Everything was airless, windless, still.

Why didn’t I apply for a full-time job? I was afraid. What if I didn’t get it? What if I did?

It’s ok to feel clueless sometimes.

First, know that it’s ok and completely 100% normal to not know what the hell you’re doing from time to time. If you really zoom out, what are any of us doing? If we stop for long enough to zoom out, we might see that we’re essentially running on treadmills suspended in the middle of nothingness, and that “knowing what we’re doing” can only ever take us so far.  (Also, you don't need motivation to get started.)

I got some nibbles on solid entry level jobs (media buyer, editorial assistant), but I found reasons to say no, like it was too far (it wasn’t), or I couldn’t work there since I didn’t know anything about x (um, that’s how you learn things).

Even with options, I had no idea where to head, and was sure if I picked the “wrong” one, I’d end up on the wrong train, in the wrong place, with the wrong life. I’d be trapped on some express bullet train to somewhere I wasn’t “supposed” to be.

What I didn’t realize is there is no bullet train to the future; they’re all running local.

My point: We’re all trying stuff out, seeing if the past is indicative of the future (in some ways yes, in others, no). We can’t possibly know what’s in store, let alone which of the futures we’ve made up in our heads is the “right” one for us.

My fear was misplaced — what was far more agonizing than the prospect of the ‘wrong’ choice was this free fall into…nothingness.

I couldn’t take this bottomless drop much longer, so I reached out and grabbed the next decent opportunity, no questions asked—and found myself in a very nice, very basic office job as executive assistant at a small consulting firm.

You don’t have to find your passion first.

That job was unremarkable in terms of what I did (set meetings, made Powerpoint slides, made literal coffee), but I’d finally landed: I made friends, learned new skills, even developed a little crush (it didn’t go anywhere).

It wasn’t a dream job. It wasn’t designed to be.

It was the place where I woke up and saw that there were things to do and learn, and that I could become great at things I knew nothing about six months ago.

That job started my life in many ways, and it wasn’t because “Now I Knew What To Do With My Life,” but because now I knew I could do some things, which made me wonder what else I could do.

Existential panic aside, the sooner we can recognize that there is no “one” right direction, that we can ease up on the need to know and lean into the what if instead.

Three Actions to Take When You Feel Rudderless

If you feel at a standstill yourself, here are some things to consider:

1 | See this experience for what it is: Temporary and transitional.

If you hate this feeling it’s probably because it reminds you of another time you felt this way.

So when was that? After school? After your baby was born? When your baby got a job and moved out? A relationship ended, you moved to a new place? Perhaps a great gap in time suddenly opened up and you had no idea what to do with it.

Realize that you aren’t “still” there. Your life is always in transition. So there’s no point in worrying that you’re “stuck here forever” because you aren’t. Even if you wanted to be!

If this is the first time you’re feeling directionless? Congratulations — having a completely new experience, even if it makes you feel weird, can present an opportunity to see things in a whole new way. And like most things, it will not last.

YOUR PROMPT: Think of a time when you felt rudderless. Did you feel free and open to anything? Or stuck and scared? What memory comes to mind? And if you’ve never felt this way before, think of a time when you felt the opposite: Totally focused and energized. What was happening? What triggered that feeling?

2 | Ask yourself what you most feel committed to.

Sometimes we feel directionless because we don’t know which direction we “should” go in, and as a result, berate ourselves for being non-committal or a commitment-phobe.

I hate this. And trust me, I’ve heard a lot of it, especially since I chose not to get married. Why?

For a while, I thought, maybe that is my problem. Incorrect. I wasn’t and am not afraid of commitment—I commit hard to people, projects, purpose. I just didn’t find myself in a romantic relationship that made me think I should sign a legal document to ensure I couldn’t get out.

More importantly, I was committed to my work, but also to myself, and my life. That’s not a phobia; that’s a choice.

3 | See what catches your attention. Then, follow it.

The problem with finding “direction” is made more complicated by this idea that it’s this big cognitive effort that requires know-how and smarts, and other things you worry you don’t have. Or, that someone else can somehow “give” it to you. They can’t.

You don’t shout your way into a direction; it often starts as a whisper. Something sticks in your mind, or causes you to linger or wonder. But because you don’t know what it means or its immediate value, you may be tempted to dismiss it. Don’t.

Instead, think of the aimless, rudderless times less as a failure of will and intellect, and more like a unique and rare opportunity to be incredibly open to your intuition.

Rather than trying to dutifully farm the land, what if you lay down in the field and watch the tiny milkweed seeds caught on the current. Where are they going? Who knows. But they’re on the move.

It may all seem aimless, but is it? Many a dream, invention, innovation, brilliant idea began as a flicker in the corner of your eye, a ripple, something you can only detect if you’re very, very still.

That might just be where your next big thing begins.

YOUR PROMPT: A time you didn’t try, but let go and allowed things to happen. Where were you? What did you notice? What happened?

…If you feel blocked, stuck, and like you simply cannot get out of your own way, you might love my new self-paced program. I take you through a process with a series of prompts and guides to help you discover purpose and agency again. Learn more about it here.